(Baka meaning fool, or quirky  or harmlessly eccentric in Japanese put together with kappuru meaning couple. This is the nickname given to the following couple, the  Quirky Couple.)

Written by: Roz

The United States of America legalized same sex marriage on June 26th, 2015. Natsuko, who is Japanese, and I, an American, jumped up on the couch cheering when we heard the great news. Even though she and I, a same sex binational couple, couldn’t legally marry in Japan, we were ready. So, legal to marry or not, I decided to propose to Natsuko.

I would like to tell you my proposal went just as I imagined it would. But I learned that when plans go astray, sometimes it’s best to follow your heart. I planned to propose on September 5th, 2015, while on a camping trip with her and our close friends.  We would do a treasure hunt, each clue about the special moments in our life and about our difficulties we overcame together as a strong couple. The clues would eventually lead her and our friends back to me at camp on one knee with the ring in my hand proposing to Natsuko.

I would like to tell you my proposal went just as I imagined it would. But I learned that when plans go astray, sometimes it’s best to follow your heart. I planned to propose on September 5th, 2015, while on a camping trip with her and our close friends. We would do a treasure hunt, each clue about the special moments in our life and about our difficulties we overcame together as a strong couple. The clues would eventually lead her and our friends back to me at camp on one knee with the ring in my hand proposing to Natsuko.

The day started off rough when I woke up very sick, because of which we were running late to meet with the rest of the group. I wasn’t feeling good so I just rolled out of bed and into the car still wearing my pajamas. Natsuko said she packed my clothes so I planned to just change once we arrived. After our arrival it was chaos, everyone was setting up tents. They didn’t know how to set them up, so everyone yelled for Natsuko to come over and help. Meanwhile, I was taking everything out of the car so that I could set up the grill and camp fire. I was still feeling sick and our dogs were going crazy barking at a dog from another campsite. I soon became very hot and uncomfortable from setting up the grill and wanted to change into my clean clothes, but when I checked the car I realized my clothes were missing. Natsuko came over frustrated from setting up the tents with everyone and I was frustrated because I couldn’t find my clothes and still not feeling good. Frustration from both of us usually leads to a couples quarrel. In addition to that, I had the heavy weight of the secret proposal weighing down on me. I couldn’t tell her what I was feeling without giving up the proposal. This of course made her misunderstand me more and got her more aggravated with me. This set the tone for the evening and it felt like we were both unable to enjoy our time.

After dinner we argued in the tent. It was at that moment when she kept asking about the treasure hunt and saying I can still do it for the kids. She knew I was planning a treasure hunt game, but of course she had no idea that the game was for her. Only one other friend knew the plan. I was upset that we were fighting and wanted to feel happy and relaxed but it felt too late at that point. She knew something was up with me and just couldn’t leave well enough alone. She thought if she helped me to do the treasure hunt game I would feel better. She kept pushing it on me but I felt too angry to do it anymore. This is when I lost it and yelled out “I can’t do it, you don’t understand, the treasure hunt is all for you!”

We all have those days where it feels like everything just goes wrong. Some would say it was unfortunate that I had such a day on one so important to me. But as it turned out, it became a perfect example of our strength and love for each other. We are an awesome couple. The kind of couple that can spend every day together and never get bored. The kind that will draw happy faces on their bellies to make their friends laugh. Being silly is our way of living and getting through life because we also have had so many unfortunate things happen to us too. Coming out was very hard as most LGBTQ can understand. In combination with the hardship of coming out, I was diagnosed with a debilitating, rare disease soon after.  Our whole life felt like it was turned upside down but we never gave up. We still struggle with life but we are still that Quirky couple that dances with smiley faces on their bellies. And like every couple, we fight over the dumbest things. We know so much about each other that we can understand each other’s feelings before we even feel our own feelings ourselves. So it’s easy to see why this proposal was unveiled in an uproar. We both can’t hide anything from each other because we know each other too well.

When I explained to her that the treasure hunt was going to be her proposal, she asked me to still do it. Flustered at the whole situation, I yelled I wasn’t sure I even wanted to propose anymore. That was when it became clear to Natsuko that it wasn’t about her, she left the tent giving me space to think. I sat there with the ring in my hand and thinking why I wouldn’t want to still propose. I realized I was just frustrated it didn’t go my way. We fought but she still wanted me to do the treasure hunt and propose to her. And deep down I still want to propose to her too. It was time to put aside the petty feelings, suck it up, and do it. I could feel the excitement again as I began drawing the maps for the treasure hunt.

My friend, Take, came to help me set up the treasure hunt as planned. The fire was crackling, with sounds of laughter around the campfire. The sky was dark and the camp site glowed from little lanterns around our tents. The kids were fast asleep. Natsuko was laughing with the others around the campfire while drinking. Take and I snuck away from our tent. Our shadows slowly disappeared as we walked further from the campsite. We laughed as we placed each clue around the nearby vacant camp sites.

Once back at our tents, Take and I gathered everyone around the campfire to start the treasure hunt. We handed them an old fashion compass and the poorly drawn map that I made. I smiled and laughed as I watched them dance around the campsites in excitement with each clue they discovered. I felt it was happening just like I imagined it would as I could hear their laughter in the distance as I eagerly waited back at the site.

The last map led them to the treasure. It said “congratulations you made it this far. Now is your chance to get the real treasure. But you might have to fight off two scary dragons to get it.” The dragons were our two miniature dachshunds. The “X” on the map was inside Take’s tent where I was hiding with the “dragons”. I could hear them coming and my body shook from excitement and nerves. I couldn’t move as I hid with the dogs in the tent. The ring box beautifully placed on a checkered blanket with wild flowers and a lantern casting a gold glow like the light off of a pirates treasure chest. I was in the corner of the tent wearing a black bow tie and still in my pajamas. Natsuko slowly opened the tent door. The dogs jumped out barking like I hoped they would representing the dragons mentioned on the map. They quieted down from Natsuko’s calm touch. I picked up the treasure box, handed it to Natsuko, and said “open and see your treasure.” She opened the box, knowing what was waiting for her inside, and yet she still cried unable to say anything. Everyone else quietly drew in a breath as they watched. I knelt on one knee and while shaking I took the ring out of the box. I wish I was cool at that moment but I had a really hard time speaking from the intense nervousness. I couldn’t say what I had wanted to but I managed to form one sentence in Japanese, “I am a big pain in the ass….but I love you.” I grabbed her hand and in English said “Natsuko, will you marry me?” She cried harder as I put the ring on her finger. She smiled hard and cried out “yes” as she grabbed me around my neck and pulled me in tight almost chocking me with her love. Everyone cheered saying congratulations with tears in their eyes.

We drank the night away with our friends around the campfire until the wood burned out and the site went dark. We crawled into our tents smiling. Natsuko and I held each other that night, not as girlfriends but as fiancé and fiancé. I was a nervous mess, the day went completely upside down and not how I planned it. We fought giving up the secret proposal. But we went to bed happy that night and somehow our love became stronger. We fell asleep knowing that whatever the future brings us or how we might make mistakes, we would overcome it like we did that day again and again. This is our way, not a fairytale or traditional, but the crazy romantic comedy we call “our life”. We are Bakappuru.

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